Day 1 - Corona Voluntary Lock Down

During a big (extended) family dinner on Saturday night, we all made a plan together to keep the grandparents safe, by keeping our distance. We started calling it “the last supper ... for a while”. Some of the little faces seemed a little shaky. It started feeling a bit real. Anyway, must stay positive. Fist bumps all round and a couple of hugs. We’ll do better next time?

The day after, I was doing some research and I realised that there really was no point in delaying things. We need to get ahead of this. The time really is now (shit!). I let my family know what I'd learned and the decision to 'go now'. Let some friends know. Surprisingly many were also pretty much ready to make the call. Hadn't yet worked out how.

That was yesterday. ‘Day 0’ I guess you'd call that.

‘Day 1’ was today; because it’s Monday. The day we’re all supposed be somewhere.

My 13yo daughter was meant to go to school. I was meant to meet with the accountant, among other things, and none of that fitted with our new voluntary lock down.

So first thing’s first.

1. Notify school of our decision and that my daughter will be home-schooling today and until ... not sure (ooo they’re not going to be happy).

2. Let the accountant know the deal and that I’ll need to sort a teleconference or something.

3. Set myself up for online shopping (not urgent as I got some things yesterday and already have a DinnerTwist delivery tomorrow).

Wasn’t even 9.00am yet and we were down to business. My daughters’ head of year had already come back and she was 'all good'. Accountant was cool. My son was still asleep (gap year) and so all was well there too (my eldest son was at his mum's). So far, so good. I was developing a swagger.

Right game time. My daughter was being the absolutely trooper she is and was cracking on with her school work (online) without any fuss.

And then, as the morning passed, she started realising all of the fun things that were coming up ... that now probably won’t be happening 😞 Ouch.

I resisted the temptation to recount all of the things that I was mourning. Saved that for later. Just listened for now.

My virtual meeting with the accountant devolved quickly into a phone call, as the tech wasn’t working. Wasn’t really a problem, but It did help me to realise how underprepared I was.

Note to self ”I need to get on top of the tech!”

Then it was time to set up the rest of the week. The first major issue was a group workshop tomorrow afternoon. Being with frontline health workers I knew they’d definitely be at work. Would they be able to videoconference with Dept of Health IT security? Would they mind me not being there in person? I spoke with the manager who was awesome and we tested a Zoom setup, which worked beautifully, except for when her computer rebooted randomly. Hmm hope that doesn’t happen tomorrow. Anyway we discussed the game plan and contingency and we were all set.

In there somewhere my daughter commented that she could relax because everyone else (at school) had Phys Ed.

It occurred to me that that would be a great time for us to get outside and get some fresh air and exercise. She was keen to go for a bike ride. "OK just give me a couple of minutes." Not sure what happened but we didn’t get out at that point. It was hours later when I tried again and by then she wasn’t keen. She was watching something on Netflix I think, after having completed her school work. My son was also up, but not keen. I was frustrated with myself for missing a great opportunity earlier. I ended up making my daughter come for a walk, hoping that she’d forgive me later, once she realised what a great idea it was. She really wasn’t really feeling it.

Note to self "Work with the energy, when it's there."

Getting outside and exercising is going to be even more important than usual, to relieve the sense of cabin fever and also to realise that the world is OK and people are OK ... we just give them some space.

Another thing I was concerned about was contact and connection. I thought that it would be a good idea to FaceTime with family to see how they were going. They were all at different points and trying to work out how and when; grappling with the 'not yet' reasons that seemed important. My eldest son had his basketball final that night. We talked about how he, if he felt he had to play, could protect himself, so as to protect others. He came up with some great ideas, including the usual washing hands regularly, keeping what distance he could and using the inside of his jersey to wipe or scratch his face when he felt the need.

I had actually checked in with both kids, during the day, on their buy-in to what we were doing (the lock down thing) and both seemed really on board with the decision.

That said, they both had their version of a meltdown before the day’s end.

My son helped me to understand that I was being too full on and too controlling (of course that took a minute to settle). I realised that in my concern for keeping everyone in a multi-faceted family safe, my coping mechanism had been to focus on what we could control and influence. On that front I guess I’d been doing pretty well. However, I’d forgotten something really important.

In safety coaching we call it “more safe”. When things are polarised as being either “safe” or “unsafe” we get caught up in judgement and arguments get in the way of the intent. With my eldest son I think I'd done pretty well. With my younger son, when he'd talked about what he was planning to do with his mates the next day, I'd panicked. I’d stumbled.

Note to self "The focus needs to be on “more safe”. We need to learn to LIVE through this AND to be MORE SAFE."

My daughter's meltdown related to her dealing with "a lot" and needing some acknowledgement for that. Oh man she was right. Because she'd been such a trooper, I'd neglected to really acknowledge how well she was doing. I'd been concerned for her need to get outside and communicate her friends and not so much during class and other things which I felt were important for her to "be OK" and she wasn’t actually getting appreciation for how well she was actually doing. She'd felt like her effort wasn't enough. Wow. Poor little thing. Face slap. I doubled down on love and appreciation.

With weakness and vulnerability acknowledged, a heartfelt apology and a plan for getting better at this, we ended the day on a higher note. Before bed my daughter even gave me a few pointers on how to motivate her to get out for exercise 😄 Did I mention I’ve got rockstar kids?